TODAY I was doing a crossword puzzle during a few precious minutes seconds of spare time when I came across this abomination: “CB Enthusiast.”

What?

I searched my brain all the way back to the 70s and 80s when CB radios were still relevant in popular culture and there were catchy little slang expressions one might have used to refer to those who enthused about those radios. (As opposed to, say, the slightly less polite terms used by those in my crowd, the oh, so sophisticated and elite class of nerds who filled the ranks of ahem amateur radio operators, thankyouverymuch.) CB radio indeed.

Those are rival camps if ever there were any.

What would they be looking for, though? A CB enthusiast… “Good Buddy?” No, that doesn’t fit in, um, three letters… wait.

Three letters.

I swear to all that is good if they think that word is “ham,” I’m gonna start throwing things.

I worked on more of the puzzle as that forsaken word started materializing.

“H--” I have a bad feeling about this….

“H-M” Don’t. You. Dare.

Felgercarb.

Calling a Ham a CBer or vice versa is like saying the word for a “PC Enthusiast” is a “Mac Lover” or that the right way to refer to a Sox fan is “Yankee” or something along those lines.

Golden rule of life: never underestimate your rivals.
—Sid Waddell